Sunday, October 15, 2017

greatest fear?

well, certainly not dying. been there three times ... twice in the ocean, once while I was having "my stroke" (and the day afterward).
what keeps me awake at night, what I am truly afraid of is longer being able to care for myself. no longer able to prepare meals, go shopping, dressing my self or taking care of my personal hygiene.
I totally get that it may happen one day ... when I'm old. but lately. I've been getting indications that it could happen soon.
there are days (and they are getting more frequent) I struggle standing up and getting to the bathroom. days I don't shower because I'm convinced I'll fall in the shower if I do. days I cant zip a zipper and/or work a button. days  I can't get up the nerve to leave my room.
it's not all the time ... yet. but I see it on the near horizon and it terrifies me.


  1. Steve I feel that way to and I'm scared death of being a burden to others.

  2. Yes. that also terrifies me - being 100% dependent on others for basic functions. I would rather go out with a bang or not wake up one morning.

    1. for the first three weeks following my stroke I was at an inpatient rehab facility. was a good two weeks before I could shower or dress myself. and was confined to a wheelchair. took at least a month after my release before I became (somewhat) independent). the last several months I've been regressing. I don't want to be fully dependant again.